Lawsuit filed against the Internets by Dr. Terr’ism

As many of Dr. Terr’ism’s supporters know, he uploaded a video to youtube which was subsequently commented on.  The video showed Dr. Terr’ism instructing a class on how to disarm suspected terrorists by using household products like toilet scrubbers, laundry detergent, and ceiling fans.  Here are samples of the vicious comments he received:

  • KidB: I hope next time you drink that bleach.
  • toyotasupra98: Yo dude, that’s gay.
  • crackpipe69user: Be honest Doc, do you have sex with kittens?
  • Seymour Butts: Poseur.  FREE IPODS wwwDOTipodsforfreeDOTcom
  • stormfront88: dr. terr’ism is a racial interloper.
  •  ikilledosama: gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay.

Dr Terr’ism (via his lawyer Lionel Hutz) has filed a civil lawsuit against the internet and those certain individuals who have been perpetrating the ongoing vendetta against him, his pets, and his aura .

The suit was filed in Somalia on Febtober 32, 2014 (the future is very complicated).

The defendants listed in the lawsuit include:

  • The Internet (which is actually just a series of tubes)
  • Joe Giblets – aka Strgrjoe666
  • William Shatner – aka Kirk
  • Jullian Asange – aka WikiLeaks
  • Bruce Vilanch – aka thatfatguy
  • John Does 1–15 – aka: hotstuff69, Ben Dover, toyotasupra98, Seymour Butts, crackerbeatz, ObamaIsOppression, calguy3, crackpipe69user, ikilledosama, Dr. Terrorologist, steelwheeze, KidB, live4christ, italianpride, stormfront88.

The stupid defendants are required to respond within 15 minutes. They will now have to answer for their actions in person, absent their anonymity and sweet usernames.

The Following are claims against the defendants as listed in the suit:

  1. Slander per Se
  2. Slander per Qoud
  3. Slander per Internets
  4. Trespass per Internets
  5. Assault per Internets
  6. Invasion of Privacy per Internets
  7. Intentional Interference with my Internets
  8. Tortious Interference with Prospective Internets awesomeness
  9. Extreme and Outrageous unawesomeness
  10. Aiding and Abetting Terrism
  11. Preliminary and Permanent Injunction Junction what’s your function
  12. Violation of 18 U.S.C. 2332a.
  13. Violation of United States Constitution, mostly the part about not being allowed to leave negative comments on other people’s YouTube videos.

A trial by McFlurry has been requested on all issues.

* * *

In my opinion those who have carried out this ongoing terr’ism against Dr. Terr’ism deserve nothing less than to be held to account for their actions under the full weight of the law – and likely that still won’t be sufficient to atone for the injustice they have wrought… for hath they no shame?  Ought not it be taught that those who wrought shall rot or be shot?  Tater tot? 

Dr. Terr’ism has maintained from birth that he has nothing to hide and that the misinformation, lies and attacks of the YouTube commenters were being perpetrated with deliberate malice and reckless indifference. His filing of this suit proves that he is right.

While it will be up to the courts and jury to determine the punishment of those responsible, it is up to all those of us who support Dr Terr’ism to continue to step forward and speak up on his behalf, preferably as character witnesses.  Also, we will need some people to perjure themselves.

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5 thoughts on “Lawsuit filed against the Internets by Dr. Terr’ism

  1. Actually I said “I hope next time you drink that, bitch” and I was referring, of course, to the orange julius (small o and small j so as not to have infringement upon the Mall staple and be sued by generous and honorable lawyerologist)

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